King Shit of Fuck Mountain wins at Drinker's, also wins six-week tournament by precisely 100 points; bike and tons of prizes given away!

Congratulations to the KSoFM team in winning the inaugural Drinker's Tavern six-week quiz tournament.

Why in hell aren't the rest of you playing this quiz?! Ridiculous amounts of stuff are being given away here.

The victory margin over six weeks was exactly 100 points, with KSoFM averaging 123.2 points/game to The Docs' 106.5 points/game. KSoFM won first place 3 of 6 times.

The team won the limited edition PBR bike, as well as a stack of trivia/reference board games and books I was saving for this purpose. They also won Smirnoff visors, Jose Cuervo T-shirts and Philadelphia Eagles can cozies, a must for the sensitive hand and the warm beer. This was on top of a $25 gift card to Drinker's.

We also gave T-shirts to another team, as well as two three-month free gym memberships.

There are drink specials and opportunities to win beverages throughout the night. Again: why are you not playing here?!

It looks like the plan is to trade the bike to Bob & Barbara's for alcohol, or failing that sell it "to a hipster" on Craigslist or through some similar venue. I'll keep you updated as to what happens, and anyone wanting to purchase the bike can contact the folks through this site/me.

The next cumulative six-week tournament starts this coming Tuesday. The Big Prize will be a Tuaca Chiller Machine, which retails as you can see for $325. You can chill any variety of alcohol in there you like. I will be supplementing this with trivia games and books, etc., and every week every team is eligible for a $25 Drinker's gift certificate as well as T-shirts and a variety of other prizes. It really is quite a generous quiz.


Beautiful Gold: King Shit of Fuck Mountain 121
So-So Silver: The Docs 96
Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Moose Knuckles* 61

* team started late

Final Standings in First Tournament, Top Five Teams

King Shit of Fuck Mountain 739
The Docs 639
www.IHateKoopman.com 302
That's My Bike!!! 232
Tiger 135

All-Star temporary alliance History's Greatest Monster wins at Lyon's Den

Lone members of Group W, the Lil' Roy crew and a fellow from Waverly Street - a team that normally doesn't even play any of my quizzes - combined forces to crush the competition this past Sunday.

In the mid-to-late-'90s my Beast team and Waverly Street were regular rivals at the Thursday night Fergie's Pub quiz. Oh the memories.

It's great to see momentum building in this quiz. Competition is stiffening.

Beautiful Gold: History's Greatest Monster 144
So-So Silver: King Shit of Fuck Mountain 127
Shameful, Shameful Bronze: It Burns When We Pee Since We've Been with T.C. 100

Also-rans:

Beck Street Boys and Girl 94
Johnnys Came Lately* 30

* team came late & quit

Kisses for Kittens wins at Ray's

K4K might have had their highest score ever, and the highest scored at Ray's in quite some time.

Good to see newcomers Turkish Exchange Rate, who have what might be the filthiest team name yet. I needed that explained. It doesn't even seem possible as was first explained to me, like getting toothpaste back into the tube... The Urban Dictionary definition at least makes sense as per the physics, although not the motivation. Unless perhaps you're looking for a fun new method of the actual medical procedure fecal bacteriotherapy. Let it not be said that this blog ever misses a teaching opportunity.

What is it about the pub quiz which encourages the gross out factor in team nomenclature? I'm sure someone is already working on a thesis on this in some Folklore and Folklife department.

I've been told that some folks who used to be fairly regular at Ray's are coming back in a week or two, and we should have more teams again.

Beautiful Gold: Kisses for Kittens 141
So-So Silver: Turkish Exchange Rate 82
Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Edward James Almost 68

Dr. Albert Hofmann, LSD inventor, died last night

Herr Doktor Hofmann was 102! Without him, much of my favorite music and other art would never have been.

Benefit pay-off quiz coming this Thursday at Yellobar

Approximately forever ago, I donated a quiz for silent auction to the Pig Iron Theater Company's big winter cabaret fundraiser. It took a long while, but the details have finally been arranged with the high bidder. For months I heard nothing and assumed there were no bidders!

Thursday, May 1, 7pm
Yellobar
2425 Grays Ferry Ave.
Philadelphia
Subject Round: MAY DAY

This is intended as a one-time semi-private event and although I'm sure no one would mind you stopping by to play for the heck of it, I can't guarantee much of anything in the way of a prize from the bar.

Incidentally the quiz went for $110. That's how much I'm worth on the open market for a short tryst. For $150, me quiz you long time.

KSoFM in all of their glory

I forgot that I took this photo of last week's Drinker's Tavern winners. I was reminded I should post this. Here they are, King Shit of Fuck Mountain.

Solutions to last week's Secret Theme rounds

Drinker's Tavern:

The theme was balls. Bear with me on that one...

1) What's the name (acronym) of the Moscow-based Soviet/Russian department store, founded in 1953 and still a tourist attraction? GUM / gumball
2) In 1968, Valarie Solanas shot Andy Warhol. She also wrote an anti-male screed; what is its title? The S.C.U.M. Manifesto / scumball
3) What Ohio university is the home of the Falcons? Bowling Green / bowling ball
4) What type of white blood cell is hypothesized to be attacked by the HIV retrovirus, unraveling the immune system? T-cells / T-ball
5) What funny internet catchphrase was popular in 2001-02, drawn from the poor grammar and syntax of the Japanese game Zero Wing for the Sega Mega Drive? All Your Base Are Belong to Us / baseball


6) What classic 1982 B-movie featured a deformed former Siamese twin named Belial? Basket Case / basketball
7) What does legendary blues guitarist B.B. King name all of his guitars? Lucille / Lucille Ball
8) What 1969 movie starred Shirley MacClaine, Sammy Davis Jr., Chita Rivera, Ricardo Montalban and the choreography of Bob Fosse? Sweet Charity / charity ball
9) What was Walt Disney's first full-length animated feature, released in 1938? Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs / snowball
10) What porn publication was founded in 1968 by Al Goldstein? It has won a number of legally important precedent cases and purports to be "The World's Greatest Newspaper." Screw / screwball

Ray's Happy Birthday Bar:

The theme was breakfast foods.

1) What British intellectual lived 1566-1626, is credited with inventing the English language essay, was a leader of the scientific revolution and is believed by some people to have authored the works of Shakespeare? Sir Francis Bacon
2) What country singer had a #1 hit on the pop charts and a Grammy for country single of the year for 1961's "Big Bad John"? Jimmy Dean
3) According to the Bible, what son of Noah is the father of all the peoples of Africa? Egypt is therefore referred to in parts of the book as the "Land of..." him. Ham
4) What British band had an incredible 18 consecutive singles hit the Top 40 in the UK 1977-82? They didn't sell nearly as well in the US, where they are better remembered for their 1978 album "All Mod Cons." The Jam
5) What public speaking/leadership organization was founded in 1924 in Santa Ana, California as Smedley Club #1? Toastmasters International
6) American meteorologist and mathematician Edward Lorenz just died at the age of 91. What concept did he propose which has a name fitting this round? The butterfly effect
7) In 1981 this person had a #2 pop hit with a cover of the Dave Edmunds song "Queen of Hearts"; name her. Juice Newton
8) In what chain eatery was Kid Rock arrested in October 2007 for beating a customer? Waffle House
9) What colonial major general captured Fort Ticonderoga from the British in 1775? Benedict Arnold / Eggs Benedict
10) According to the nursery rhyme/kids' song, who "lives in Drury Lane"? The Muffin Man

Born for Hard Luck

The incredible 1976 short documentary "Born for Hard Luck" by Tom Davenport, which is a portrait of Arthur "Peg Leg Sam" Jackson, is now available in its entirety on the web. You might recognize most of this clip from the Jean-Pierre Jeunet film Amélie. There are still plenty of places in the US that look like this, and still heaps of people living in these conditions. Sheesh.

Gofa Wingdom wins again at Frank's, jackasses come out of woodwork with arrival of Spring

Having done the Frank's quiz for over a year now, I see the pattern. The warmer the weather gets, the more patrons come into the bar who we've never seen before, who don't know the quiz, don't like the quiz (in part I'm guessing because anything requiring knowin' stuff is traumatic) and let me know that early and often. It's nice that the bar gets the extra business, but what a royal pain for the regulars who came out specifically to play, and for me.

Who are these people, and why do they not drink publicly in winter?

This wouldn't be so bad if so many of these people didn't start a volume war with me, which is wearing. Add in the usual sprinkling of delerium tremens casualties Frank's attracts year-round mixed in with the functional population and/or a painfully unfunny heckler or two - this week we had two - and what should be a fun and easy task becomes a pain in the ass.

While I'm bitching about a sizable minority of patrons, allow me to suggest that a possible reason one might not know the answer to any given question isn't because of a cultural bias toward obscurity on my part, but instead because one might not actually know much about the world around oneself. This isn't my fault and there's nothing I can do to help others on that count. Read a freakin' book or something, watch PBS, go back to school. When you don't get non-academic pop culture references that pretty much every English-speaking American is aware of through background exposure, I have no suggestions for you beyond leaving me alone.

There, I've said it. Feels much better. I'm completely sick of having to defend the validity of every question to which someone doesn't know the answer. This only happens at Frank's incidentally; at the three other bars when people don't know things they don't start assigning blame outwardly.

I'd love to find out where some people work and show up and heckle them as happened in that one episode of Seinfeld. "You call that washing a dish? You suck!"

Also: I'm going to repeat the question. I always do that, and I repeat the entire freaking round every time after the tenth question. I've done the quiz at Frank's over 60 times now, which is a total of more than 3,000 repeated questions, most of them multiply-repeated. The odds that I'm suddenly not going to repeat the particular one you didn't hear are nil. Banana slugs display pattern recognition-based learning curves better than some Frank's patrons. Yelling "REPEAT THE QUESTION!!!" a millisecond after I read it the first time is nails on a damn chalkboard to me, and is never going to get a pleasant response.

Butterflies broken upon the wheel, we turn to this week's scores:

Beautiful Gold: Gofa Wingdom 175
So-So Silver: Roy's Avant-Guardian Angels 142
Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Shock the World 129

Also-rans:

Dons Quizzote 90
TKO* 81
Conner 59
Meltwater Sucks Blows** 29

* The male (no doubt self-identifying as some sort of alpha-bull-silverback-cock-man-oppressor) from this team pulled out a roll of bills and asked how much it'd cost to throw the game in their favor. This is more likely to work when offered before it's mathematically impossible for your victory to happen. Of course, if he could do that kind of math he'd likely not feel the need to try and buy a $25 gift certificate for $100... The same jackass also kept saying that I was doing "bad karaoke." Yes, in a sense I was doing poor karaoke indeed. I was also doing a poor job of baking a cake, building a house of cards and countless other tasks not even being attempted.

** Two weird things to share, although these were very nice people I hope come back: I swear that they initially printed Meatloaffuk Blows on the team name portion of the sheet, then insisted that I was misreading (?!) that, that they clearly printed Meltwater Sucks Blows (?!?!?), and later rewrote the team name as that as if to confirm it. There was no hint that this claim was pulling my leg. I still don't know what either phrase might mean, or how I could misread Latin-based English alphabet printing. Also, they somehow managed to get the last 36 or so consecutive questions wrong, which is close to a new record if not actually a new one for teams that play the entire game in earnest.

Are you now getting some idea of what hosting this quiz can be like on a weird night?

KSoFM wins at Drinker's, expands tournament lead by 15 points; next week is our first Big Prize giveaway!

King Shit of Fuck Mountain now has a 75 point lead after 5 of 6 weeks in tournament play. Note that anyone who walks in any week is eligible that night for the $25 gift card, drink specials and a number of other prizes; cumulative points are totaled in six-week cycles.

This coming Tuesday we give away the limited edition PBR bicycle and a number of trivia-related prizes I've acquired for this purpose. It was good to see people out for the quiz up against election returns, playoff hockey and a Phillies game. Folks had every reason in the world to be doing something else and Drinker's and I appreciate your patronage. Joke of the night: McCain for President will also finish third in November. Those guys did get a First Amendment question wrong in the first round; coincidence..?

KSoFM has a "magic number" of 138 to clinch the tourney, a score possibly attainable in the fifth round if you kick serious butt in the first four.

Beautiful Gold: King Shit of Fuck Mountain 146
So-So Silver: The Docs 131
Shameful, Shameful Bronze: McCain for President 78

Also-rans:

Ramrod 77
Desol 29

Cumulative Drinker's Points for the Next Big Prize - April 29, 2008

King Shit of Fuck Mountain 618
The Docs 543

List truncated to teams not mathematically eliminated.

Laura Lesbo Clinton wins in OT in a low-scoring Ray's contest

Kisses for Kittens splinter teams Nevers Nevers Nethers Nethers and Laura Lesbo Clinton fought to a low-scoring draw at Ray's Happy Birthday Bar. I imagine that this post will now get hits from the Ann Coulter/Rush Limbaugh crowd, googling "Clinton" and "lesbo."

Tying at soixante-neuf (!), the impasse was broken with the numerical question "How many people were killed in the 1937 Hindenburg disaster?" Both teams overshot the mark, NNNN guessing 187 and LLC guessing 168. The actual answer is a surprising 36, giving the Lesbo crew a victory.

Beautiful Gold: Laura Lesbo Clinton 70 (OT)
So-So Silver: Nevers Nevers Nethers Nethers 69 (OT)
Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Edward James Almost 61

Also-rans:

Nowhere Men 56

Can you figure out this week's sample Secret Theme rounds?

Each group of 10 otherwise unrelated tough questions has a theme running through its answers. Can you answer the questions and figure out the themes? Answers will be posted early next week.


Drinker's Tavern:

1) What's the name (acronym) of the Moscow-based Soviet/Russian department store, founded in 1953 and still a tourist attraction?
2) In 1968, Valarie Solanas shot Andy Warhol. She also wrote an anti-male screed; what is its title?
3) What Ohio university is the home of the Falcons?
4) What type of white blood cell is hypothesized to be attacked by the HIV retrovirus, unraveling the immune system?
5) What funny internet catchphrase was popular in 2001-02, drawn from the poor grammar and syntax of the Japanese game Zero Wing for the Sega Mega Drive?
6) What classic 1982 B-movie featured a deformed former Siamese twin named Belial?
7) What does legendary blues guitarist B.B. King name all of his guitars?
8) What 1969 movie starred Shirley MacClaine, Sammy Davis Jr., Chita Rivera, Ricardo Montalban and the choreography of Bob Fosse?
9) What was Walt Disney's first full-length animated feature, released in 1938?
10) What porn publication was founded in 1968 by Al Goldstein? It has won a number of legally important precedent cases and purports to be "The World's Greatest Newspaper."

... and what theme links the ten answers?

Ray's Happy Birthday Bar:

1) What British intellectual lived 1566-1626, is credited with inventing the English language essay, was a leader of the scientific revolution and is believed by some people to have authored the works of Shakespeare?
2) What country singer had a #1 hit on the pop charts and a Grammy for country single of the year for 1961's "Big Bad John"?
3) According to the Bible, what son of Noah is the father of all the peoples of Africa? Egypt is therefore referred to in parts of the book as the "Land of..." him.
4) What British band had an incredible 18 consecutive singles hit the Top 40 in the UK 1977-82? They didn't sell nearly as well in the US, where they are better remembered for their 1978 album "All Mod Cons."
5) What public speaking/leadership organization was founded in 1924 in Santa Ana, California as Smedley Club #1?
6) American meteorologist and mathematician Edward Lorenz just died at the age of 91. What concept did he propose which has a name fitting this round?
7) In 1981 this person had a #2 pop hit with a cover of the Dave Edmunds song "Queen of Hearts"; name her.
8) In what chain eatery was Kid Rock arrested in October 2007 for beating a customer?
9) What colonial major general captured Fort Ticonderoga from the British in 1775?
10) According to the nursery rhyme/kids' song, who "lives in Drury Lane"?

... and what theme links the ten answers?

Next week's quiz schedule

Sunday, April 27, 9pm
Lyon's Den
2nd & Christian Sts.
Subject Round: COMEDIES

Monday, April 28, 9pm
Ray's Happy Birthday Bar
1200 E. Passyunk Ave.
(near 9th & Federal Sts.)
Subject Round: AMERICAN HISTORY

Tuesday, April 29, 9pm
Drinker's Tavern
Market St. between Front & 2nd Sts.
Subject Round: WORLD CUISINES
PBR bike and other prizes to be awarded as the first round of tournament play wraps up.

Wednesday, April 30, 9pm
Dirty Frank's
13th & Pine Sts.
Subject Round: BLUES

R.I.P. United States of America, b. 1776 - d. 2008

Food Not Bombs benefit this Saturday evening

The Kisses for Kittens team from Ray's Happy Birthday Bar are the mainsprings behind Philadelphia's chapter of Food Not Bombs. They are having a benefit this weekend with what I am told is good live music and good food. I'm naturally suspicious of something called "ham log" - wasn't he a legendary bluesman?- but am told it's tasty. Go eat some. Word has it homebrew will also be available.

Meet The Beatnix

Bill and Chelsea Clinton get lost on the way to Ray's quiz, settle for a Pat's steak

Bill told these folks to "have a nice Philadelphia weekend," whatever that means on a Monday night. I assume "not getting shot" qualifies. Philadelphia weekend sounds like a left-handed compliment from a black-and-white gangster film. "So help me, if you touch my gal I'll have your throat cut nice'n'slow, like a Philadelphia weekend."

We were a few rounds into the Ray's quiz when a patron came in and mentioned that the Clintons were less than a block away, having a steak at Pat's. Pretty much everyone dropped what we were doing, cameras and cell phone cameras manifested and we headed down the block.

This being a relatively informal visit (although news vans were there so I rather doubt this was spontaneous) specifically for the purpose of actually eating a cheesesteak, security was very light and people could wander up and gawk at the the former president chowing down.

I imagine Bill was coached to avoid Geno's on account of the Latino demographic, and because Joey Vento is generally a dick.

We arrived a bit late and caught the president finishing up and saying a few quick goodbyes. Mr. Clinton does have a "common touch" that comes from growing up working class. Pity the roots weren't recalled when it mattered. Funny, I've been savaging the man's wife on the blog for the past few weeks and if he had to pee he might well have ended up at Ray's for a few minutes like all of the other steak corner customers.

This was the second time I've seen BC in person. The first was on the day he was elected president in 1992; at that time he appeared at a rally at the Mayfair Diner, a few blocks from the house where I grew up. I was much closer this time. Oddly none of us really bugged him, we were too busy trying to get photos and after all you need to let a man eat a sandwich. Yelling over at him wouldn't result in much positive for anyone. There was a slight surreal quality to it all. For five bucks I'll point out the exact bench he sat on; group discounts available.

I snapped one other photo not immediately erased as useless, of the back of both Clintons' heads. I am erasing that one too. Very bad luck in the timing department, I'll try to do better should I stumble across Bigfoot at Chickie's & Pete's.

What else? Chelsea is considerably taller than I thought. I'd always had the vague notion she was kinda short, but this is not the case. [Forrest Gump voice]And that's all I have to say about that.[/Forrest Gump voice]

Beck Street Boys and Girl win their first quiz at Lyon's Den

Something might have just changed in the balance of power at Lyon's Den. Neighbors Beck Street Boys and Girl, who as the name suggests inhabit Beck Street just around the corner from the bar, wandered in and won the $25 certificate. They say they're coming back next Sunday; I hope they do.

Once again the Den teams came up with the least "family friendly" team names imaginable. The easily offended should just stop reading now. In fact, just unplug your computer and step away from the internet. I'd thought that this week's Secret Theme round was easier than most, but that ended up holding scores down.

Beautiful Gold: Beck Street Boys and Girl 131
So-So Silver: King Shit of Fuck Mountain 111
Shameful, Shameful Bronze: All Puffy Down There 97

Also-rans:

Whitney Houston's Greatest Hits (Bobby Brown's Backhand) 74
T.C.'s Camel Toe 48
Eat a Dick with a Pickle on Your Head* 21

* team quit