Beautiful Gold: Team Lil' Baby Jesus 133 So-So Silver: Beck Street Boys and Girl 108 Shameful, Shameful Bronze: T.C.'s Womb Broom 105
Also-rans:
Candyass 4:20* 39 I Want to Know What's Going On!* 6
* team started late
Ray's Happy Birthday Bar:
Here you see new champs Hermallater Kandimon, Sikathandreau Kandimon. Note that out of any three people, the two most likely to lift their shirts are the ones the general public would least like to do just that. They're holding an additional prize I gave them, a copy of the hilariously titled Winning Through Intimidation, which appears to be a less witty Gamesmanship, the latter book and its two sequels being ones I highly recommend. Beautiful Gold: Hermallater Kandimon, Sikathandreau Kandimon 126 So-So Silver: Kisses for Kittens 124 Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Optimus Prime 97
Also-rans:
King Zadok! 96 Edward James Almost 69
Dirty Frank's:
Beautiful Gold: Group W 140 So-So Silver: Lil' Roys 131 Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Dons Quizzote 112
Also-rans:
Emperors of Ice Cream 52 Peter, Paul & Mary 51 The Shuttle 38 Cincinnati Bowties 24 Short Pants* 20 Esti de Tabarnak* 6
* team started late or quit
Two drunken idiots - both female and far too old for this sort crap - wouldn't stop shouting answers at Drinker's this week. First the people there to play the quiz started leaving in the first round, then I did. I'm not a bouncer. My new policy is that if any bar is OK with hanging me out to dry in dealing with drunks, I get up and leave. Why have a quiz if you can't let the people who enjoy it play?
I can't possibly capture the oddity and volume of Wednesday night's conditions here, so I won't even try. I will mention that we watched the end of the Flyers playoff game before doing the quiz, and watched it with a large contingent of Canadiens fans from Cirque du Soleil, who make Frank's a drinking base while in Philadelphia. This led to a number of abnormalities, including a short supremely bizarre drunken monologue from a Quebecoise carnie and the necessity of making some announcements bilingually (those three semesters of college French finally paying off). This on top of a packed bar of the usual Frank's bizarreness, and the influx in the last two rounds of a few dozen uncouth, loud frat types in blazers (one of them shooting for the Sanjaya Malakar look). <<Tabarnak!>>
Come for the quiz, stay for the weird. You never know when someone will get arrested or what have you.
The Roy team had an excellent match, pulling away from a Gofa Wingdom team that built in size through the night and placing themselves on the Top Ten list again.
Beautiful Gold: The Roys Are Back in Town 183 So-So Silver: Gofa Wingdom 171 Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Dons Quizzote 117
Also-rans:
Dancin' Homer 109 Blind Moose 105 Exhibitionists 62 We Don't Feel Like Naming Our Team 57 Fly-Ins et Hughes 44 Sparklemotion* 5
Having done the Frank's quiz for over a year now, I see the pattern. The warmer the weather gets, the more patrons come into the bar who we've never seen before, who don't know the quiz, don't like the quiz (in part I'm guessing because anything requiring knowin' stuff is traumatic) and let me know that early and often. It's nice that the bar gets the extra business, but what a royal pain for the regulars who came out specifically to play, and for me. Who are these people, and why do they not drink publicly in winter? This wouldn't be so bad if so many of these people didn't start a volume war with me, which is wearing. Add in the usual sprinkling of delerium tremens casualties Frank's attracts year-round mixed in with the functional population and/or a painfully unfunny heckler or two - this week we had two - and what should be a fun and easy task becomes a pain in the ass.
While I'm bitching about a sizable minority of patrons, allow me to suggest that a possible reason one might not know the answer to any given question isn't because of a cultural bias toward obscurity on my part, but instead because one might not actually know much about the world around oneself. This isn't my fault and there's nothing I can do to help others on that count. Read a freakin' book or something, watch PBS, go back to school. When you don't get non-academic pop culture references that pretty much every English-speaking American is aware of through background exposure, I have no suggestions for you beyond leaving me alone.
There, I've said it. Feels much better. I'm completely sick of having to defend the validity of every question to which someone doesn't know the answer. This only happens at Frank's incidentally; at the three other bars when people don't know things they don't start assigning blame outwardly.
I'd love to find out where some people work and show up and heckle them as happened in that one episode of Seinfeld. "You call that washing a dish? You suck!"
Also: I'm going to repeat the question. I always do that, and I repeat the entire freaking round every time after the tenth question. I've done the quiz at Frank's over 60 times now, which is a total of more than 3,000 repeated questions, most of them multiply-repeated. The odds that I'm suddenly not going to repeat the particular one you didn't hear are nil. Banana slugs display pattern recognition-based learning curves better than some Frank's patrons. Yelling "REPEAT THE QUESTION!!!" a millisecond after I read it the first time is nails on a damn chalkboard to me, and is never going to get a pleasant response.
Butterflies broken upon the wheel, we turn to this week's scores:
Beautiful Gold:Gofa Wingdom 175 So-So Silver: Roy's Avant-Guardian Angels 142 Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Shock the World 129
* The male (no doubt self-identifying as some sort of alpha-bull-silverback-cock-man-oppressor) from this team pulled out a roll of bills and asked how much it'd cost to throw the game in their favor. This is more likely to work when offered before it's mathematically impossible for your victory to happen. Of course, if he could do that kind of math he'd likely not feel the need to try and buy a $25 gift certificate for $100... The same jackass also kept saying that I was doing "bad karaoke." Yes, in a sense I was doing poor karaoke indeed. I was also doing a poor job of baking a cake, building a house of cards and countless other tasks not even being attempted.
** Two weird things to share, although these were very nice people I hope come back: I swear that they initially printedMeatloaffuk Blows on the team name portion of the sheet, then insisted that I was misreading (?!) that, that they clearly printed Meltwater Sucks Blows (?!?!?), and later rewrote the team name as that as if to confirm it. There was no hint that this claim was pulling my leg. I still don't know what either phrase might mean, or how I could misread Latin-based English alphabet printing. Also, they somehow managed to get the last 36 or so consecutive questions wrong, which is close to a new record if not actually a new one for teams that play the entire game in earnest.
Are you now getting some idea of what hosting this quiz can be like on a weird night?
... with the assistance of part of Sofa Kingdom. The upside for the rest of you is that they still haven't recaptured the top spot in the All-Time Top Score list.
During the quiz I asked a question about Cambodia, prompting a Thai Frank's regular to complain that I never ask about Thailand. I then made a joke that next week I'd ask a round of Thailand questions and avoid anything having to do with the "inferior peoples of Southeast Asia."
Some folks took offense; I don't think it was generally realized or is generally known here, but Thais do have a rather high opinion of themselves as regards their neighbors (most people do, but this strikes me as extreme). Lao, Cambodian and various Mon-Khmer peoples are considered outright inferior to and derivative of the Thai. I was lampooning that sarcastically; apparently this was unclear. Thailand even has a bit of a stick up its bum over the fact that Angkor Wat is on the Khmer side of the border.
Underlining all of this, check out this exhibit text from the Thai national museum. I took this photo in Bangkok a few years ago (click to enlarge):Long story short "Hey Mr. Westerner visiting our country, we're the original people here and everyone else in the area is an inferior spin-off." This is right at the beginning of the exhibits; it's rather important for us to know apparently. Beautiful Gold: Group W 163 So-So Silver: The Roys Go Winding Down 148 Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Good Service Is Not Cheap, Cheap Service Is Not Good 126
Also-rans:
Dons Quizzote 104 Kenya 94 Martel 37 Herpes Outbreak!* 19
Gofa Wingdom won again. But who cares... the big news is that there was a Cops-, or if you prefer Run Ronnie Run- style police takedown of a running suspect who fled into Frank's open door full speed and got tackled in front of me at the immediate conclusion of the final round, as if on cue.
Dude was tackled by a large bike cop who immediately got backup from a few squad cars and about five other officers. The apparently ranking officer drew a baton and suggested he stop struggling or get a "lumping", and eventually he was led outside. During the melee I was pretty much pinned to the front bench, and got a ringside seat for the cuff. We have no idea why the fellow was being chased, but there was police discussion that "the female" was "not apprehended" and took off in another direction.
Smokers and gawkers reported that our suspect then wretched over the gutter for a while while cuffed, and was finally released from custody without being charged with anything. He eventually came back into the bar to retrieve his hat. At first thought it seems dumb to run into a ... er, dead end bar (interpret as you like...) to escape the police, but upon further reflection with all the witnesses around the guy might have saved himself an asskicking.
Overheard by one patron: he was running "because he was being chased." Fair enough, but why the chase..? And "the female", what about her..? Amazingly Koob from Sofa Kingdom was not in attendance; usually these types of things happen when he's at Frank's.
This reminded me of the atmosphere at 13th & Pine about a dozen years ago when I started going to Frank's, with the female-with-female-parts hookers doing the Pretty Woman thing and the crackheads from 13th & South trying to fence random stolen goods of little to no worth. Ah, the memories...
Beautiful Gold: Gofa Wingdom 135 So-So Silver: W. Axl Roys 128 Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Tobasco Rose 90
Also-rans:
Dons Quizzote 82 Ass Butter Brown Walls 75 Me and God 73 Norkuckle* 7
Gofa Wingdom (pictured, left) rode the strength of two huge baseball rounds - scoring a ridiculous 96 of a possible 98 points in those - to top the field at Frank's. With the warmer weather the crowds are getting bigger, and louder, a mixed blessing. Where are all of these people in January?
Beautiful Gold: Gofa Wingdom 160 So-So Silver: Roy L. Pain in the Ass 136 Shameful, Shameful Bronze: B, K & the D 110
Also-rans:
Marnie & Cara & 3 Really Nice People 86 Dons Quizzote 78 That's Not the Only Place You Can Dip a Soft Pretzel... 78 Team Awesome 46 Picky Bitchez* 40 Cheeky Shaggers 31 Philadelphia Eagles* 24 The Handcuffers* 2
Supergroup Gofa Wingdom (pictured above), a nearly unbeatable combination of Sofa Kingdom and Group W, won easily at Frank's on Wednesday night. My former Frank's (when I was a participant) and Johnny Goodimes quiz team MAGMA will be going up against these guys at Goodtimes' Quizzo Bowl IV this weekend. Wish us luck, sheesh...
The team nailed all 10 Secret Theme questions plus the theme, then went 8 for 10 in the Unreasonably Difficult round. That's just absurd.
I found my little quiz notebook at Frank's, so to update this post...
Beautiful Gold: Gofa Wingdom 186 So-So Silver: I'm Afroyd of Americans 118 Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Kenya 100
Also-rans:
Dons Quizzote 92 Reluctant Castratos 78 Balzy 77 Robin Williams' Ex-Wives 50 Fine Sexy Bitches 22 We Suck!!!* 21
* team quit
So, who are those people in the photo, and was the ax Photoshopped in? No, that's Tinariwen, the world's best Tuareg guitar band...
Lil' Roy was impressive to put it mildly, winning in record fashion. It was great to see some new teams and some returning faces from last week. For the record, Tortured Fetuses earned the new Speed round extra point, so the 189 is most legit for posterity.
This game featured a few twists, including a 4-point round which had a chain of interconnected answers instead of a subject. That was just special for this anniversary contest, don't expect to see that again soon. The Speed round was self-referential, and I tried a "Stump the Quizmaster" 6-pointer at the end of the final round which was a bit awkward/slow in the verification department and therefore unlikely to be repeated.
I was happy to see the Marnie & Cara team win something after last week's debut debacle; if they become regulars I predict some wins. In the Schadenfreude department for you voyeuristic pervs, Group W has not won four weeks running now.
Beautiful Gold: Lil' Roy Rogers Hornsby 189 So-So Silver: Group W 176 Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Marnie & Cara & David &... 162
Also-rans:
Human Crapital Management 132 Kenya 116 Reportable Diseases 105 The Outtatowners 95 Don Quizzote 89 Tortured Fetuses 78 Monk* 52
Well done, guys! Because the Subject round was "THE LAW" we had three teams composed either of lawyers or law students, and in this case the established, bar-certified lawyer won. Let that be a lesson to the youngin's. Group W had a surprising fourth-place finish, and have not won in three weeks. That's also likely the first time that 10 points was the difference between first and fifth place.
It's alive! Lil' Roy came close to blowing a nice lead, and nipped Group W by 3 points. That's 3 So-So Silver finishes in a row for W; if this keeps up they'll be paying for drinks any week now...
Had W answered O+ instead of O- on a blood type question in the final round, victory was theirs.
Beautiful Gold: Lil' Roy Meets Frankenstein 140 So-So Silver: Group W 137 Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Kenya 115
The All-Universe team Sofa Kingdom destroyed everyone in the all-film quiz at Dirty Frank's. Their score of 187 ties the highest score ever attained in this format, as noted in the Top Ten list at right. Note that in the rules I set out for that list, the team to notch the score first in a tie gets top billing, thus the Group W tied score still atop the list as I do need to make that determination somehow. This is the first time anyone has changed the list at all in a few months, and the first time in 2008. Well done! Group W finished in second place for the second week in a row, admirable for anyone else but a poor showing for them. The Movie Monster broke off of the Lil' Roy team and beat them by 3 points, setting up a good-natured(?) intra-team rivalry.
Not a single customer was drawn in from the One Film, One Philadelphia promotion, and Frank's was the place with the correct address on the flier. Make of that what you will.
How can I blame people for not stopping by? They can't even feel safe. The game was delayed repeatedly by a drunken, violent Frank's employee who no one seemed completely interested in controlling or removing. Apparently hitting people, loudly challenging the entire bar to a fight and throwing furniture isn't enough to get a person fired let alone flagged, even barred within the same evening. The atmosphere in the place goes all to hell when someone drunk and stupid acts up or becomes violent, and the continued tolerance of that is a disgrace for which I can only apologize. I worked pretty hard on trying to make this a decent special program for peaceful patrons, and it got shat upon by an employee. Thanks. One problem customer drives out 20 good ones; why is that hard to understand?
Beautiful Gold: Sofa Kingdom 187 So-So Silver: Group W 129 Shameful, Shameful Bronze: The Movie Monster 114
Also-rans:
Lil' Roy & the Raiders of the Lost Ark 111 King Shit of Fuck Mountain 91 Don Quizzote 78 The Centaur 72 Regular Joes 70 Kenya 59
The Movie Monster at Frank's was Yes I Cannibis at Lyon's Den on the Sunday night at the Oscars-themed game. He won first easily.
Asking trivia questions in a bar should be the easiest thing in the world. Unfortunately some people I need to work with seem to attempt to make this as difficult as possible, as witnessed by the failure of anyone at Lyon's Den to let me know that the game would start three hours late because of a long-scheduled Oscars party with a cover charge (oddly I never saw a flier or sign for this until that night). Needless to say by the time the game rolled around, not many people wanted to begin playing at 11:20 on a Sunday night.
If you were inconvenienced by this or turned away the door, I apologize again on behalf of the venue. I was more surprised than you if that's any consolation.
Beautiful Gold: The Movie Monster 115 So-So Silver: Oscar Nite 82 Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Taint Misbehavin' 80
Also-rans: Davey 70 McClouds 70 From tha Door 29
At least I don't need to apologize for Ray's this week.
Beautiful Gold: Andres & Co. 93 So-So Silver: Team Nick 81 Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Edward James Almost 71
Riding the strength of a perfect Subject round, identification of circuit diagram elements, Lil' Roy broke out of perpetual So-So Silver status and put a whuppin' on Group W. W and related hybrid team Gofa Wingdom had won 11 consecutive weeks. Last week I didn't even bother posting the scores from two weeks ago (yawn), now reproduced at the bottom of this post. It is duly noted that W literally lost during a lunar eclipse, an unshaded moon clearly the source of their eerie powers.
Next week is the SIX ROUNDS OF MOVIE QUESTIONS quiz - can Lil' Roy keep the crown..?
Beautiful Gold: Lil' Roy vs. Powerman and the Money-Go-Round 152 So-So Silver: Group W 107 Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Kenya 102
Also-rans:
Fantasy: The Reign of Blood 98 Don Quizzote 93 Chic-Fellatio 70 What the February's?! 58 Batty Bats 53
Previous week:
Beautiful Gold: Gofa Wingdom 154 So-So Silver: Lil' Roy & the Spiders from Mars 127 Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Don Quizzote 85
It's official, we're in the Group W Era. The Dynastic Age of W. All who play at Frank's are in the grip of this many-headed quiz hydra which craves your blood. Will a team step out of the shadows to take them down?
Like many Philadelphia residents, I'm still running behind this week in every aspect of my life because of the incompetence and negligence of Comcast, therefore I'm condensing the winners of the past two weeks at Dirty Frank's into this one post.
Beautiful Gold: Group W 143 So-So Silver: Godzilla vs. Gamorrah 114 Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Don Quizzote 111
Also-rans:
SuperGay 94 Kenya 73 Nothing with Eyes* 67 Sptizzle to the Max* 38
Beautiful Gold: Group W 136 So-So Silver: We Hate Those Guys! 125 Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Dons Quizzote 106
Also-rans:
King Shit of Fuck Mountain 68 Efeat Liberal Elitists 60 Scipio Africanus 58 John Paul Jones* 44
The night before Thanksgiving 2007, Group W finished fourth, and only two points ahead of fifth. The next week they teamed up with part of Sofa Kingdom to form theGofa Wingdom superteam and won. Since then they've won seven in a row. This is becoming absurd.
Two weeks ago Lil' Roy Screamed was leading after five rounds and looked poised to end the streak. I marked Roy's paper incorrectly, accidently cheating them out of 6 points, with W pulling ahead by 6 in the final round. Jim from Roy caught my mistake, which put the teams in a tie.
My tiebreaker was to guess the height of San Francisco's Transamerica Pyramid, the tallest building in that city, in feet. The closest team would win. Roy went with 985' and W with 975'. The precise measurement is 853'. Thus W continued the streak by a lousy 10 feet.
This week I thought I'd knock W down a bit with a round of Asian Cuisine questions in the Subject round. Not only did a couple of Sofa Kingdom players join W for the game, but a Kingdom girlfriend who is Asian-American played with them as well. W and Roy tied for the best scores that round with 8 of 10, and Group W cruised to another win overall.
Can anyone out there take them down..?
Your scores from the past two weeks at Dirty Frank's, starting with last week:
Beautiful Gold: Group W 138 (OT) So-So Silver: What's in a Name (a.k.a. Lil' Roy Screamed) 137 (OT) Shameful, Shameful Bronze:Don Quizzote y Sancho Anza 123
Also-rans:
Cum Juicey 105 Fantasy 103 Miller Low Lives 83 Hot Cops 82
This week...
Beautiful Gold: Group W 169 So-So Silver: Lil' Roy Screamed 155 Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Sir Chomps-a-Lot 146
Also-rans:
Blind Moose 122 Don Quizzote y Sancho Anza 103 Fantasy 102 Tass & Itties 86 I Has About 80 Clones* 18 Battle* 2
I'm woefully behind in updating the blog, so let me recap the past two weeks at Dirty Frank's.
January 2nd had a predictably low turnout, what with being the night following New Year's Eve and the Mummer's Parade, and as if that weren't enough having been the coldest, rawest night in a year. Only the hardest-core quiz junkies showed up to play.
This past Wednesday night might have been the best game ever at Frank's. Big crowd, good vibe, many teams, lots of competition, lead changes and suspense right up until the end. Let's keep that going!
Sizzle Chest went up early and started pulling away from the pack, dropped in the fifth round and never climbed back into the prize money. Einstein... (Lil' Roy Screamed) went up by less than a question in the fifth but couldn't hold on. Group W only had a 5 after the first round, had an awful third, were in the bottom half of the pack, then clawed their way up to narrow victory. Who among you shall defeat them?
January 2
Beautiful Gold: Group W 132 So-So Silver: Lil' Roy Screamed 118 Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Better Than a Handjob 73
Also-rans:
Don Quizzote y Dulcinea 61 Team Scramble Dash! 59
January 9
Beautiful Gold: Group W 139 So-So Silver: Einstein Disguised as Robin Hood 136 Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Sir Champs a Lot 118
Also-rans:
Don Quizzote 104 Sizzle Chest 95 Better Than a Handjob 92 Alex, I'd Like to Buy a Vowel for $200... 88 Wombats 63 The Only "A" I Ever Got Was Hepatitis 61 Injustice League 53 Dr. Awkward (Palindrome) 50 Weed 49
This week's W-for-Group W is the one which has formed on British Prime Minister Tony Blair's forehead, an eagle-eyed contribution to the blog from reader and Lil' Roy Screamed team member John.Apparently people have surmised that the W might stand for George W. Bush, or, redundantly, "wanker."
Huge post-Xmas crowd at Frank's, and for 5 rounds it looked as if Lil' Roy Screamed, playing with the nom de guerreThe Rural Juror, would walk away with the title. They crashed and burned in the final round, paving the way for another clear W victory. Newcomers Yabba Dabba Don't even nipped Roy for second.
It's been a great year, see youse all on January 2nd and every Wednesday thereafter.
Beautiful Gold: Group W 157 So-So Silver: Yabba Dabba Don't 129 Shameful, Shameful Bronze: The Rural Juror 128
Also-rans:
But My Mom Says I'm Cool... 98 Kisses for Kittens 94 Don Quizzote 92 Spread 'Em Harry 88 Prime Ministers of the United States of America 87 Schluessels* 86 Marybeth & Ryan 86 3 + 1 79 Two-Handers 76 Solomon!* 63 Beaky, Schnoutt & the Fuzz 59 Danger High Voltage 33 The Urban Cougars* 24
A larger than usual W team had no problem winning this Wednesday, although the Lil' Roy Screamed crowd (playing as Hope You Guess Our Name) had the most impressive Unreasonably Difficult round. Lots of new faces for this quiz, no doubt holiday-related. If you live in the city year-'round it'd be great to have you back again in January.
Beautiful Gold: Group W 163 So-So-Silver: Hope You Guess Our Name 138 Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Stella!!! 84
Also-rans:
Wolverines 80 Pink Ladies a.k.a. Jersey Girls 73 Don Quizzote 71 McLovins 48 D.S.I. 24
Here you see new champs Hermallater Kandimon, Sikathandreau Kandimon. Note that out of any three people, the two most likely to lift their shirts are the ones the general public would least like to do just that. They're holding an additional prize I gave them, a copy of the hilariously titled Winning Through Intimidation, which appears to be a less witty Gamesmanship, the latter book and its two sequels being ones I highly recommend.
