Mark and Laura Solomon did the socially correct thing this past weekend - they retained me to run a private quiz for their friends in their home. You can do the same by using the contact info above right.
Do not adjust your computer; the winning team's name, Tze U'lmad (pictured at left), is in transliterated Klingon, the ancient language of the Hebrews. At least this is how I recall it, but I'm sometimes fuzzy on details. The name translates as "the gentile must be mocked." Note: This is a joke. It actually means "Go and learn" in Elvish, the ancient language of the Hebrews.
TU featured a rabbi, as did a losing team. This will no doubt result in a schism, as we saw in the Old Country when rabbis would square off on such issues as which deli sold the best pastrami. Naturally it follows that the TU portion of the Solomon's social circle are the smartest people they know, and no amount of soap will wash away their other friends' ignorance. It is fitting and appropriate for the winning team to bring up their victory in any future debate or disagreement between parties, especially spouses. Quizzo is not just good for society because of its encouragement of alcohol consumption, it's good for marriages!
Beautiful Gold: Tze U'lmad 142
So-So Silver: Pink Villains 137
Shameful, Shameful Bronze: Blow Us 133
6 Breasts and a Dick 122
Clydesdale Five 108
Dirty Frank's regulars will be amused to note that 6 Breasts and a Dick was exactly four people, three women and one man. Who knew it becomes that simple in the 'burbs? The Helmites are named after the village-of-idiots Chelm of Jewish tradition (humor examples at the link). And they finished dead last. Again, these parties are a great way to sift out which groups of your friends or employees are accurate self-assessors.