Monday, January 11, 2010

The Eagles already won their Super Bowl

I hate me some Dallas [actually Arlington, formerly Irving] Cowboys (who I hope get eliminated like last last night's dinner ASAP), but there was a certain satisfaction in the humiliation of the pompous-yet-championshipless Eagles team these past two weekends. I say this as a person who started following the team around the time Dick Vermeil took over the head coaching position.

It's been reported that Mike Vick was unanimously elected the team's annual Ed Block award for courage, which if true I recently realized means that the conceited bastard voted for himself. Now how do you cheer for that to win anything?

It was a bit hard to believe going into the season that finally winning the Super Bowl was the priority for the team this year. The actual priority for the team was the supposed 'rehabilitation' of Michael Vick. Like George W. Bush, the Eagles could parade their outscored 58-14 performances over the past two weeks in front of a Mission Accomplished banner with the same tragicomic sense of completion.

Vick himself just wanted to show the league that he could be the same under-80 rated millionaire passer he was before his stint in federal ass pounding prison. He is and he did. Mission accomplished!

The NFL players' union wanted to return Vick to some team with a strong fan base and no recent history of harboring multiple felons for a buffer season under the misguided notion that they could all end up serving federal time after lying to the league and commissioner about a series of felonies. Most players actually have nothing to worry about as the vast majority of players are usually law-abiding and don't make a series of about 500 bad/wrong decisions over several years... but apparently many felt a bizarre, probably racially motivated need to close ranks behind the guy who could paint them all in the worst possible light. Way to advance the cause of diversity, fellas. Mission accomplished!

Andy Reid and Tony Dungy are two religious guys who were pretty clearly trying to work out their terrible track records as fathers with the most prodigal substitute son available in the NFL at the time. Mission accomplished!

The Eagles and Jeff Lurie still managed to keep the stands filled and shift a lot of overpriced #7 jerseys - Ron Jaworski's number fer cryin' out loud - to every thug wannabe in the Lower 48. Mission accomplished!

McNabb seemed to want to appear to be a mentor to an old friend while taking some heat off short yardage, with a player who can run faster but manages to somehow be a less accurate passer, thereby avoiding a QB controversy. Mission accomplished!

Playing well against teams with winning records? For the Xth consecutive year, mission not accomplished.

How many other positions could the Eagles have used help with this year instead of having a third QB on the roster?

It's probable Vick will start for some franchise next year, and good riddance. Anyone reminding the public next season that Vick is being given a professional pass that any comparable felon in any other profession would never get will be accused of rehashing "old news" and harboring a (possibly racist) grudge. It makes one wonder if Idi Amin is signable as a defensive end, bygones being bygones and whatnot.

Donovan McNabb might or might not be back, but at this point I'm done. He's been a great player overall who I've defended in the past, but seems to have plateaued at best, and the general apparent disregard for the fanbase leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Reid we'll have with us until he gets his own planet in Mormon heaven, which seems likelier than a Super Bowl victory while he coaches. We can only assume that Andy Reid's planet will serve a variety of fried foods and have a 100:0 pass/run ratio.
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